Being an "Adult"

With there being only four months until my birthday, I have recently been reflecting on the past eight months as an 18-year-old. As a legal adult, an immense amount of pressure is put on me to mature into an adult within a year. But, everywhere I turn, people are still telling me I am not yet a fully developed adult, so that makes me question what I am. I am currently at the age where I am still financially dependent on my parents, but living an hour and a half away from them. It’s a weird feeling having a connection to home, yet I am still expected to do things on my own. That is something I have always struggled with, and still continue to struggle with as my first year as a college student is coming to a close. Transitioning to college, I never expected myself to be as happy at college as I am now, but by no means has the past year been easy. In fact, the past year has been the hardest one of my life, and I know it is not saying much since I’m only 18. But, it still means something to me, and it is something I will learn from for many years to come.

When I turned 18 this past July, I was struggling with the idea of coming to college and living on my own with people I barely knew. I was always comfortable with the people at home because I had the same friends in high school as I did in elementary school. I’m the daughter of a high school math teacher, which kept me in line and out of trouble. Being in that position, everyone expected me to get to college and go crazy. This is just one example of the expectations set out for me months before I was even leaving for school. I honestly thought I was going to hate it and in the final month leading up to packing everything up and moving out, I had turned 18, but never felt more like a child. I was absolutely terrified I was going to lose everything. My family and friends have always been my main focus in life and having such a change in the dynamic I have with them was scary stuff. Not to mention, I had a long-term boyfriend at the time who I knew didn’t want to date in college. All of the changes were hitting me in the first month of being a legal adult, and I already couldn’t handle the pressure of it all. 

The first month of being 18 was overwhelmingly scary, but if I had to be completely honest, it was way too dramatic. Yes, I had every right to be afraid for my future, but I was trying to set myself up for failure before I even gave myself a chance to try. Within the first month of college, and the second month of being 18, I was no longer terrified, and in fact, I did not cry once (if you know me, you know this is a big deal). I was happy with no worries in the world, which can be seen as a good or bad thing. Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy I had such a great start to my college experience, but I went from not wanting to go to not wanting to leave within a week. It all caught up to me in the next few months of being 18 and although I was still happy, I knew the second month was me being ignorant. I was too worried about showing the world how happy I was that I wasn’t being real with myself.

Once Christmas break came around, I was struggling both at school and at home. I was not sure who I wanted to be and felt myself changing for other people who were not relevant in my life anymore. Because of the stress I put myself under over break, I carried it back to school with me, which made it one of the hardest months of being 18. I was setting such high expectations and goals for myself that I wasn’t concerned with actually taking time to focus on me. The past month of being 18 has been the most impactful on me because I kind of reintroduced myself to myself. As odd as it sounds, it needed to happen in order for me to be able to move on and become the person I want to be. As sad as all of it has sounded, I know I would not be nearly as happy as I am today without everything I have learned in this past year and I am thankful for every experience I have had so far.

Honestly, being 18 and the first year of adulthood as flown by and there definitely were times when I felt like I wasn’t learning anything at all. But as I reflect and learn from my first year of being independent, I have realized how much I have truly learned. I think it is important for everyone to look back on the year before them and use the lessons they learned to better their year to come. I still have some time to learn more about being an adult, but for now, happy four months until my birthday!